Cheese Theologians

Today we are going to learn about a thing called "visual rhetoric."

take a moment and look at the cover of the game... Go on,

What? Too lazy to google? FINE!



this image is courtesy of tombraidergirl.com. Its not a bad site really... Lots of pics and news etc. Check it out. I'm pretty sure it's run by a girl, and as we all know gamer-girls are hot. But I digress)

take a good long look at the art here. Look at what the lines are doing. Think about how the color enhances the focus.

each line is softened producing a Painterly look. This makes Lara seem more feminine and approachable.

the color and light highlight her hair, eyes, and lips presenting a stark, deep brown against a yellow sky. The look in her eyes tells us she is ready for action... Or that she wants to give you a blow job... Its hard to tell... And that's the point.

yes my friends, they aren't marketing this game to our lust for good game play or excellent story; they want us to buy this game with our wangs.

oh yes, Eidos Interactive seems to be dipping into that advertising cesspool of sex appeal like a drunk hits booze on Christmas. "but what about the inside cover? Surely they must have game features listed?" No, it doesnt. This is what you see:



that's right guys, cleavage and spread legs. At least they have taken away the giant knockers Lara used to swing around...

so how good can a game that sells itself on boobies really be?

You'll know when I do.

If you are useing the PC version (which why wouldnt you, xbox 666 is terrible) there is a nice little glitch that you can use to duplicate any item.. even quest items...

simply get as many arrows as you can. Then draw your bow and without fireing, open your inventory. from there, click the arrows. A message will pop up telling you that you cannot unequip the arrows. before that disapears, hold down shift and click the item you wish to dupilicate. If your computer is as crappy as mine you will hear a loud ding sound and then your fan will sound like a lawn mower.

exit out of your inventory and watch the spiral of awesome. ive included some pics of when i used this trick to duplicate cheese wedges 5000 times. my framerate went to hell and it took 25 minutes for it to finish spawning.

Tabris (viking) and I had a discussion last night. By "discussion," I mean we got in a giant slap fight. I think I won, and Tabris is a ball grabber.

I was playing Oblivion last night and found myself locked in a Mage's guild quest. Tabris looked up and saw where I was and what I was doing. I knew what was to come next. Its happened before and, like an abused wife, I've gotten used to my suffering. He said "Oh I know that quest! its easy... well, as long as you stalk up on reflect lightning scrolls."

That's right! Not only did Tabris tell me that the quest was "easy," thus laying pressure to beat it quickly lest I look like a clit-dragon, he also told me exactly how to beat it. He sees nothing wrong with this.

He does stuff like this alot. For example, he will say to me: "ENGeek my dearest brother, please cast your wise gaze in the direction of my monitor." trusting him, I oblige only to find the best armor in the game on his character. "doesnt that look cool on me? doesnt it ruin the surprise for when you find it yourself?"

Oh, I'm not bitter Tabris... Enjoy your Ramen noodles friend... No, thats garlic... What? Of course it's not my man seed. no no.